Dead Right!

King David’s relationship with his son Absalom, had been strained for several years, after Absalom killed his half brother Amnon (2 Samuel 13). And now, in 2 Samuel 15, we find David and a large group of loyal followers leaving Jerusalem when the king receives word that his son has launched a rebellion and is on his way to the city to overtake the throne. Once again David is running for his life, this time from his own child (2 Samuel 15-18).

After Absalom arrives in Jerusalem and discovers his father is gone, Absalom begins to plot how to find and kill him.  One of David’s trusted advisors, Hushai, has stayed behind under the pretense of switching allegiance to Absalom, but undercover, he is relaying Absalom’s intentions and actions as they unfold, to David, by messenger. 

Ahithophel, Absalom’s top chosen advisor, recommends rallying troops to go after David immediately, but after Absalom listens to Hushai’s counsel, he decides to follow his plan instead.  After all, Hushai has been a close and trusted friend of King David and would have knowledge of the King that no one else does and Absalom, at this point, has no indication to distrust Hushai’s intentions.

Behind the scene, God is using Hushai to reverse Ahithophel’s strategy (which actually was the best one for defeating David) to bring disaster down on King David’s rebellious son, Absalom.

How it all ends is not the most important point of this drama. Let's spotlight on this scripture for a minute - 2 Samuel 17:23:

“When Ahithophel saw that his advice had not been followed, he saddled his donkey and set out for his house in his hometown. He put his house in order and then hanged himself. So he died and was buried in his father’s tomb.”(NLT)

Wow! When I read this I had to stop and consider, how many times in my own life, would I rather been dead than have my opinion rejected, ignored, overlooked? Maybe not literally dead, but the, “You don’t like what I believe or say so I’m going to pack myself up and cut myself off from you and anyone else who does not value what I think,” kind of dead. 

This mindset is a growing norm in our society. People are polarizing around issues of government, politics, religion, ethics, morals, lifestyles and behavior. Everyone wants to be heard, be right, and all who disagree, on either side of the divide, are considered intolerant, hateful and narrow minded. It’s an all out, “I’m right and you’re wrong,” continuous brawl!

Many years ago, Mike went to visit a church member who was in a mental ward. As this guy shared his plight, he confessed there were things in his past he couldn’t let go of because he was right and “those people” were wrong. Mike asked him, “Would you rather get out of here or be right?” The man’s reply was, “I’d rather be right.” That man could still be in that psyche ward; maybe he died in there for all we know. Sometimes there’s a high price for always needing to be right.

Back in the narrative of 2 Samuel – Absalom thought he had a right to the crown but he died in the war that ensued as he tried to escape from some of David’s men that came upon him. They found Absalom hanging by his long, thick hair that tangled in a fat tree branch after his mule kept going and left him dangling there. And his big-ego counselor, Ahithophel, needed to be right so much, that he hanged himself all because his opinion went unheeded!

The only one really in the right here was David, who had already learned the hard way that being so is not more important than being king, being cast from God’s presence or falling out of relationship with a son or friend. Just a read through the Psalms of David allows us to see how he experienced the lessons of pride, humility, exaltation, brokenness, reliance upon self or trust in God. 

Jesus laid down his rights to be right and died for us. Before doing so, He told us to love one another as He loved us (1 John 3:16). That’s a colossal assignment!

When being right and having the last word becomes more important than relationships with people, God, or living a life of peace and contentment, serious trouble is brewing.

Don’t get ‘hung up’ on always being right. I’m painfully and slowly learning it’s better to humbly die to self, than be dead right; cut off from the Spirit of God in my life and those I am called to love and serve! 

That’s way too great a price and one I’m not willing to pay, anymore.

Psalm 34:18  The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite [humble] spirit.

Philippians 2:3-8  Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too. You must have the same attitude that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not think of equality with God as something to cling to. Instead, he gave up his divine privileges; he took the humble position of a slave and was born as a human being. When he appeared in human form, he humbled himself in obedience to God and died a criminal’s death on a cross.

John 10:17-18  The reason my Father loves me is that I lay down my life…No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord.

Embracing Your Thorn

At Israel’s request for a king, Saul was appointed and anointed as their first, by the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 10).  When Samuel gathered the people together to confirm the new king, he couldn’t be found. God had to reveal to Samuel where Saul was and Samuel may have had doubts about God’s choice when he discovered the new king was hiding among the supplies. This man, though tall and handsome, had major confidence issues. 

Can you imagine a president of the United States so insecure that he hides in a White House closet on Inauguration Day and someone has to find and convince him to show up for the ceremony? That was Saul!

Fast forward five chapters and several years and we find Saul a very different man. He has now disobeyed God’s battle orders in several wars against neighboring nations, and has gone so far as to set up a monument to himself (1 Samuel 12:15). King Saul is so confidently full of himself, he actually believes he has done God a favor in his disobedience, and when he is confronted by Samuel, Saul is more worried about what the people will think (verse 30) than what he has done.

Centuries later, another Saul, highly educated and convinced of his own righteousness in Pharisee law, persecutes and kills those following the way of Jesus, who claims to be the Messiah, the Son of God. In the early days of the church, Saul, becomes a believer and is called to preach the Gospel after a dramatic and personal encounter with Jesus (Acts 9). Saul, renamed Paul, is given great revelation from God and becomes a man of incredible influence, an Apostle and a leader among leaders - traveling, establishing churches, speaking and writing. His revelations from God comprise a significant amount of the Bible’s New Testament. 

Paul was a very prideful man before his conversion.  It would have been easy for him to transfer this pride to the new authority and knowledge he was given, but to prevent him from becoming haughty and conceited, Paul admits, “lest I be exalted above measure by the abundance of revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me,” something that continuously troubled and battered him. Scholars differ about what that thorn might have been, but Paul states clearly its purpose was to keep him humble, his feet firmly planted on solid ground, his heart continuously searched and surrendered before God (2 Corinthians 12:6-10).

There’s a huge lesson in the account of these two Sauls for those who are in leader roles. Abraham Lincoln said, “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.” Whether you lead a family, a classroom, a committee, a boardroom, a business, platoon, army, ministry, church, city, state or country – beware!  Pride and power NEVER mix.  

It’s easy to lose perspective in a place of authority, a few accolades and victories, several successes under our belt and we gradually forget our humble beginnings and what God has brought us from. We start building monuments to our self and our accomplishments, using position for selfish gain and putting power ahead of serving people. Sometimes it’s such a subtle slide we don’t even see it happening until we’ve gone too far. Always be on the alert for the danger of leader pride!

Paul pleaded with God for his “thorn” to be removed and God said no. If you are a leader and have a thorn in the flesh, some circumstance, trouble, irritation, frustration, that keeps you planted and rooted in the reality of who you are without Christ, be thankful for it! If you don’t…well…you might want to ask for one. 

It could be the thing that saves your heart, life, reputation and the people you are called to help and serve.

Proverbs 3:34, James 4:6 “God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.” 

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over himself. ~Elie Wiesel~

Contentment

Most of the church staff is away at a leadership conference. I wanted to go but I’m home with my son instead. So now I have a choice to make. I can be sad, mad, annoyed, feel left out and left behind OR I can see a day ahead full of amazing promise and purpose.

It’s a beautiful Florida day and my garden and flower beds are bursting with blooms in the spring sunshine. The lake behind our property is sparkling like diamonds in the sun and the ducks, egrets, osprey, sand cranes and song birds are calling to each other. The little Anole lizards are sunning themselves on our pool screen, the males showing off for the gals, with amusing pushups and throat puffing.

I’ve already had time to exercise, get into God’s word and spend some time in conversation with Him. I have things swirling in my head that need to be written, several sewing projects to complete, a stack of books to read, some things that need to be organized and a few new recipes I’d like to try. There’s laundry to do, floors to sweep, bathrooms to clean and when Jon decides to come out of his room I will need to spend a few hours convincing him to get in the shower. There’s plenty to do, much to be thankful for and no time to pout or be miserable about what could or should be on such a gorgeous day!

I’ve come to realize that God sometimes calls us down a different path than those around us. Our life may not look like everyone else but He still has a plan and a purpose in it. We may not understand all the whys or hows, but His sufficient grace is great enough to change our heart from one that whines, kicks and complains, like an unhappy toddler not getting what she wants in a toy store, to one of peace and contentment in our circumstances.

If contentment comes only when conditions surrounding me are pleasant and bursting with abundance, accomplishment, accolades, fun, happiness and warm fuzzy feelings, I’m in big trouble. 1 Thessalonians 5:18, tells us we should be thankful IN all things. I’m glad Paul didn’t say we had to be thankful FOR all things, that’s too hard to do. The more I practice thankfulness the easier it becomes. My contentment meter registers less and less like an over-active earthquake seismograph, emotions level out and peace reigns once again. It’s a beautiful thing!

There is a loud and annoying bulldozer in the lot next door grading and leveling for a new house soon to be built, and my hubby called asking me to look up a restaurant on Google maps where he and the rest of the staff can all go for lunch together, but today I will choose to ignore that as well.

Proverbs 14:30 says, “A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.” Don’t know about you but I want life, health and peace flooding over me-inside and out.

I'm going to go make myself a salad and choose God’s plan for my day, for my life. I may need His help to start over again tomorrow, but on this day I choose contentment.

John 14:27 “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Special Forces Moms

Mother’s Day is set aside to honor the women in our lives who birth us, adopt us, nurture, protect and empower us, for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health. They do it because they love us. They do it because it’s what moms do.

This Mother's Day, I want to give a shout out to a specific category of moms; the Navy Seals and Green Berets of mother troops, those who were most likely drafted into a line of duty they didn't sign up for or expect, those who are in continuous boot camp and on the job training, secretly wondering if they're qualified to carry out their mission.  Mothers of children born with disabilities and/or critical medical conditions - the "Special Moms”.

No question that a mom loves her special kid, like a mama bear loves her cub, and once that child is permanently entangled in her heart she wouldn't trade him/her for anything. She may have moments when she wishes her child wasn’t so ill or limited or challenging. She might have days when she prays for less stress, worry and exhaustion. She could have fleeting dreams of packing a bag and running far away, farther than Calgon could ever take her, but she doesn't, because she knows she has been given a job to do, a unique assignment that could possibly end sooner than her broken heart can imagine or last a lifetime, with no leave of absence in sight.

Once she comprehends the blessing hidden in the uniquely wrapped treasure that is her child, the special mom gains wisdom beyond measure and learns the importance of letting go and clinging to Jesus. She matures with understanding of mysteries others are not privileged to recognize or appreciate.  In this brief pilgrimage through life with her child, she begins to shine like the jewel God created her to be: cut, polished and beautiful.

So here’s some well deserved kudos to all the overtime moms, those who ever have or are dispensing endless care and love for a very unique kid; some, long past the point of when full time mothering should end. You know who are.  You know what you do and so does God. He has sufficient wisdom, grace and endurance when the task is more than you can bear, when you feel overwhelmed and obscure. He promises His strength and grace will be perfected in both your own and your child’s weakness and frailty. Throughout a lifetime bursting with significant things to be done, every small detail you attend to, every sacrifice and sleepless night matters.

Special Forces Moms everywhere – thanks for the remarkable job you do. I pray you are infused with extra peace, joy, strength and blessed with a few quiet moments to relax, catch your breath and contemplate how important and amazing you really are, to your special needs child of course (whether he discerns it or not), to your family, but most of all to God.

Look up and be aware of God’s delight as you persevere in the unusual assignment you’ve been given. Allow the warmth of His smile to shine into the depths of your weary soul. Soak in His unending love and be revived as the power of Christ rests upon you.

HOOAH! and Happy Mother’s Day! :)

1 Corinthians 15:58 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Potter's Assistant

I wrote this in the Fall of 2007 after our son, David, packed up and left for college. For all parents soon facing graduation and a child leaving home, this one's for you. Six years later, I guess I can say, you sort of get used to them being gone, but you never stop missing them if they don't return close to home.

There is an empty place in our home today and also in my heart.  David packed up his belongings and we took him six hundred and forty miles away from us to begin a new life at college.  

After years of loving, holding, comforting, teaching, playing, training, giving, worrying and caring we took our child, who is one no longer, to a strange place full of strange people then drove away and left him there, watching him wave good-bye in the rear view mirror as we pointed our car towards home.   

It is a very hard thing to do, this letting go, so bitter-sweet.  But the bird has left the nest and the butterfly has emerged from the chrysalis.  Time can not be reversed but can only go forward from here.

How am I supposed to feel?  I'm really not sure. I am so conflicted with happiness for David and this new opportunity for growth and adventure, then sadness for how much I already miss him.  

We drive home immersed in empty silence in a car that just a few hours ago was packed full of our son.  I walk into my house and his bedroom door is closed, the room dark and quiet.  No clothes piled on the floor, no rumpled blankets on the bed, no email and cell phone competing for attention, no music blaring from the stereo speakers or from one of the several guitars that once lined the walls, no crazy auburn curls emerging from all that chaos with a random joke, smile or hug.  

It is eerily silent here and I feel immensely sad and lonely for this one who has brought so much joy to my days.  There are others here in my home that I love just as much but they can not take his place.  Not the easy, happy place that he always resides in.  They can not fill the vacant space that his leaving has made inside of me because they each have a different spot in my heart. 

If I truly believe that everything I have comes from God then I understand that this son was only loaned to us for a time.  God entrusts us with a child and we are allowed to call him or her our own.  We are expected to be good stewards of this life and assist God in making something useful of it. 

So the formation begins with a parent’s persistent love and training, shaping and influencing through the years, spinning by as swiftly as the potter's wheel. We give our imperfect best to mold goodness, character, and purpose until the time when we finally take our hands off, when we must let go and see what becomes of this life we were once immersed in.

The clay is formed now and our child is responsible to make wise choices and become all that God has purposed for him.   My job is finished.  My eyes are no longer close by to see, nor my words instantly available to warn him of the trouble one poor decision can produce.  My ears are no longer attentively tuned to the lure of the world that surrounds him.  My hands are no longer the main influence shaping him. Now, in his own heart and mind, he must see, hear and understand the decisions that create an ongoing success of a life fit for The Potter’s use. 

I pray we did something right in teaching him what he needs to know.  I think we did, but only time will tell the end of the story.  I can only hope that all of the treasure tucked away in this wonderful earthen vessel of our son will display the excellency of the power of God, and not so much of us and our human limitations and frailty.  

As time marches forward and the story continues to be written, I trust that the wonder of seeing David’s life and purpose unfold will fill my very being with a greater joy, replacing all the emptiness my heart feels today. And even in this conflicting sadness, I thank God for the privilege of being His willing and humble assistant through these fleeting years.  

 I wouldn’t trade one moment of it for anything at all.

“But now, O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and you our potter; and we all are the work of your hand.”  Isaiah 64:8

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” 2Corinthians 4:7