True Face

We need to leave the house by 10:20 am to arrive at Jonathan’s day program by 11 am.  On this particular day, two and a half hours prior to our departure time,  I gave him the shaver I keep in my bathroom (it’s never charged if he’s responsible for it) and asked him to please remove several days of stubble from his face,  change his clothes and put shoes on. At 10:40 am he was standing in the garage with his clean shirt in hand instead of on his person and shoes and socks on the floor instead of on his feet, writing on an empty cardboard box. Despite frequent reminders from me, he was still moving at his usual snail pace.

I rushed through the garage on the way to the car. “We need to leave-now! We’re already very late, Jon.  You can finish getting dressed in the car on the way.”

He frowned then plodded to the car in his bare feet, tossed the shirt, shoes and socks on the floor. We were going to be late and once again I was flustered and frustrated.

During the first few miles, I attempted to calm myself by repeatedly mumbling, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,” mingled with random directives to Jon to change his shirt and put on his shoes. When we stopped for a traffic light, I glanced at him and realized he had shaved. Awesomeness! He got one out of three right and in the craziness that usually surrounds getting him out the door that was a small victory, one that was important to acknowledge.

“Good job shaving dude, now you need to finish getting dressed, pl-l-l-e-e-e-ase” I emphasized the word ‘please’ attempting to pressure him with a bit of urgency. The effects of reciting Philippians 4: 13 and the worship music coming from the radio station, was calming. I felt peace returning to my mind and emotions. We finally arrived at our destination with Jon fully dressed and decent for public viewing, at least I thought so. 

I parked the car and Jon began to gather his things. Since I needed to walk him around the side of the building to the front door, I got out and waited in a patch of shade at the corner. He finally removed himself from the car, shut the door and ambled toward me. As he came closer, I realized his face looked odd, as if one side was dirty. Not until he was directly in front of me, did I see that he had shaved only the left side of his face, the side visible to me while driving.

The program director came around the corner of the building just as I exclaimed, “Oh my gosh Jon, you only shaved half your face?!  Now you’re going to look like that all day!”  

The director looked from me to Jon and chuckled, unfazed. It’s certain that nothing surprises him after years of working with the developmentally disabled population. “Come on Jon,” he said, “You made it in time for lunch today, we’re having tacos. You like tacos?’’ 

He directed Jon toward the door and waved me away, a gesture that meant, ‘It’s fine Mom, you can leave now’.

”He’s all yours, “I waved back at him, “half hairy face and all.” 

As I left the parking lot, I thought about my partially shaved son, so random and such a mystery to me at times. But most of the people he was spending the afternoon with probably wouldn’t notice his partially shaved face and it obviously didn’t matter to him. He puts little importance on other people’s acceptance or expectations of him. There is no ability for pretense or façade in him. With Jon, what you see is exactly what you get.  

By the time I was a few miles down the road I realized that some of Jon’s behaviors that are most annoying at their occurrence,  often become teachable moments for my heart. This was another of those. During our drive I only saw the smooth side of Jon’s face and assumed he had completely shaved. Even though he wasn’t trying to hide that from me, my perception was still wrong. So I began to wonder--what perceptions do I have of others and portray to others?  Which side of my face do I allow to be seen? Am I true faced or fake, hiding behind a mask of insincerity?  Do I immediately construct critical judgments of others based on appearance and behavior that is outwardly visible without having all the facts or an understanding of their experiences and history?

We are experts at showing the side of ourselves we want others to see. Jesus zeroed in on this flaw of human nature and addressed it at length in Matthew 23. He was especially bothered by those who were skilled at going through the outward motions of religious regulation and tradition, putting on superficial displays that did not match the content of the heart. In verse 27 and 28, he tells the religious leaders, “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.  Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.’’

We might be able to fool people but we can’t hide anything from God. Man has tried since that day in the garden when God asked Adam the question, “Where are you?” It was Adam who needed to know who he had become, not God. God is not looking for perfect people but those who come to Him in humility and truth. Truth includes the ability to be honest before Him, not because He needs to know what is in us, but because we do. Being honest and open with Him about our condition sets us free to be real with others and accepting of them as well.

I picked Jon up a few hours later. We went to the library and stopped at Wendy’s for dinner. Everywhere we went people stared at his face. When it was time to leave the restaurant Jon packed up his leftover food and headed for the door but as soon as he reached it, quickly turned left and made a detour down the hallway to the men’s room. It had been a long day and I was more than ready to go home. I sighed and flopped down in the booth closest to the restrooms and opened the book I had brought along to read while I waited for him to return. 

Ten minutes later Jon came up from behind and stood completely still beside me. He slowly reached into his pocket, pulled out the shaver and handed it to me. Puzzled, I looked up at him and saw that his face was completely shaven!  

“Lord have mercy, Jon.” I took the shaver from him, “You went through this entire day with half a hairy face and you had this in your pocket the whole time? ” 

He smiled at me and his eyes sparkled with a hint of mischief. 

I shoved the shaver in my book bag and smiled back. “Come on True Face, let’s go home”

He gave me a perplexed look, turned to the door and headed out to the car. I followed behind, shaking my head in amazement at the puzzle that is my son, and how often he and God gang up on me to teach my heart the important stuff of life I need to know.